Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
