Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
