drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
