Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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