Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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