Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
