I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
