i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
