I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
