I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
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