Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
