break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
