Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
