Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
