She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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