By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
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Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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