I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize