He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
