She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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