Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
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Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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