Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
this boner is exhausting
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
