I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
