I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
