When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
