Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
