these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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