i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Will exercising make me less horny?
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