Define "chronic" masturbator.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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