My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
How does one acquire holy water?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
