Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
