Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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