Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
