You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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