I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
