I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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