I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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