I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You are the jesus of drinking
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
