I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
