I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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