Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I could make wine with my vomit
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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