and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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