It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's never too late to be topless.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
