its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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