I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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