me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
