just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
