I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
