Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
