I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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