Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just blew my weed a kiss
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
