Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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