I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
