Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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