where am i from again
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
