aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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