I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
