I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
