do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
