I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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