how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
