Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
