i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
