Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
