I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
